Wednesday, April 8, 2009

One Skinny Cow Away...

I'm in a bit of a tizzy over the fact that if I want to loose 1 lb a week to get down to a remotely un-aboriginal size, I have to cut my daily caloric intake by 500 calories. WHO eats 1379 calories a day (and is this before or after working out)? I realized this yesterday and was pretty much in shock. You would have thought I was an anorexic martyr with the way I acted about the lack of food in my system. I noticed this upon closer review of My Calorie Counter. I spent about an hour adjusting measurements and figuring out intake, etc. I saw a nice little note that reminded: if you wanted to loose 1 pound per week, you MIGHT drop 500 calories from your diet (as one lb is equal to approx 3500 calories).*
* The American College of Sports Medicine recommends a minimum of 1200 calories per day for females and 1800 calories per day for males.

Seriously? Fuck that! Who eats 1200 calories a day or needs to be reminded that’s the LOWEST you should go! How DO these skinny Bs do it? I can barely make it by on the male anorexic measurement of 1800. I came in at a cool 1985 yesterday minus 443 calories for working out. That’s a grand total of 1542, which is not a lot of calories but still about a Skinny Cow more than my daily allotted intake.

What’s a girl to do? Stop eating?! It turns out all this time, the skinny B’s who said they weren’t eating or just looked like they weren’t eating really WEREN'T eating. I thought they were just pretending. Guess I was wrong. This pissed me off until a friend reminded me that it’s worse when a skinny B can eat anything she wants and still be a rail, which annoyed me more!

So hear I am: 33, unemployed, always a fat girl at heart, realizing if I want to look hot in jeans I have to put down the chicken leg and the yogurt and the 1% milk. My war is fought in numbers right now and every 10 count. A serving of 1% is 102 calories while a serving of Skim is 86. What a way to go: consuming water with milk flavor!

What’s worse is this was in my head all day. So when my hubby came home, this is what I had to talk to him about. It’s like reaching the anti-amy pinnacle: the housewifey stuck at home, running “mall” errands and counting calories. No Kidding: yesterday at one point I thought, “Oh! I’ll have a piece of gum” (as if that was a treat). How pathetic! Embarrassingly I did come to terms with the fact that my normal treats were B&J’s Cherry Garcia or a cookie from the grocery store, and really that was getting me nowhere.

So gum it is! Thank God for Orbitz these days with the aspartame ridden flavors like Fabulous Frutini and Bubble Mint. They make skinny fun, as chewing slowly kills me.

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