Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Lemonade

I'm experiencing a visceral effect right now. In fact D just came down to say "hi" and (very supporting and surprised) asked me if I was crying. I had forgotten for a second that I broke down; just me slumped over my computer with some tears. The moment already seemed to pass when he came in from his day but apparently my runny masquera didn’t get the memo.

I'm not a crier...it’s a rare occurrence. In fact, when I got laid off I didn't cry. The layoff was months in the making and I knew walking in to work that my number was up. It was finally the job I loved and the whole experience didn’t last more than eight months. It’s funny how some of our most profound life experiences are just a wink in the face our life span. I figured I would make the best of the change; I would make lemonade out of lemons. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Funny my friend's mom pointed out the other day, “Whatever happens, happens.” (period) Perhaps there's no reason. Damn – that can be a bit scary to digest but also rather inspiring. I mean, life’s to short to analyze the hell out of everything, right? If you’re not doing, you’re wasting your time thinking about things that are a waste of time, even if you’re thinking about doing, you’re not doing.

So something in this trailer hit me just right. The first time I watched it, as I drank a glass of lemonade (no shit), I found it so inspiring I donated money to the cause. I decided that would be my gift for the day because it made me feel the most connected. Never mind that I stayed an hour longer at work to help someone out or that I took myself and my dog for a walk on this gorgeous Denver day. None of it seemed as suiting as sending some money to a documentary created entirely with resources donated from a bunch of people and organizations. It comes from a place of giving. It’s for people feeling demoralized or isolated; so that they can feel some sense of inspiration and camaraderie. My day changed right then.

The second time I watched it, I slumped over and cried. Perhaps it has to do with feeling like I am falling short of my dream to be self-employed by taking a job that feels “off”. There was a point where I hated myself for taking said gig but I do feel now it’s all good. Especially with unemployment so high, I realize I am lucky to have said gig – it pays the bills and provides space for me to keep freelance flowing. Whatever happens, happens. I can’t fight it but I can enjoy it. Maybe there’s a reason, but I don’t see it right now.

The third time I watched it, I watched it with D. I’m pretty sure he was expecting a video about puppies or something. I welled up a little again at the end. I think it’s the line where the guys says, “I got laid off and I started doing my life’s work”. It gets me every time. Wherever you are in your life: if everything is perfect or if everything is not, do something to inspire yourself today.

Lemonade Movie Trailer

No comments:

Post a Comment