Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bird Watching

Today was a big day: another one of those silly moments I've been waiting for happened. It fell in line with the likes of: hearing the heartbeat, keeping the belly-pop, feeling the baby move inside, etc. Today, I saw my stomach physically bulge outside to reflect the kick inside. I wish D was home to see it but I'm sure he'll get his chance soon enough. I'm a bit obsessed now - it makes me want to just go lay in bed and watch what happens next - soon enough but for now, I figured I would do a little update on the bird.

We had our 21 week ultrasound a few weeks ago and everything looked good. The bird is shaping up to be another fine individual for this world. It was fun to watch the screen and see so much movement coming from my belly. Can this be real? Holy cow, I'm making a human! We were so excited to see it all, all of it except the nether-world, which we have left as the surprise for the end of this whole adventure. Yep. We don't know the sex (though the tech gave us an envelope with the information and sent us on our merry way). I didn't want to have it at the house but my doctor offered to burn it and I didn't want that either. So when we got home I hid it from D who is so likely to cave it's not even funny (he was wavering before we even left the office). 

In any case, here is what we're working with:

After I posted this photo on FB, my sister sheepishly admitted that she didn't really understand what she was looking at (Rachel from Friends made this all socially acceptable). For those of you unwilling to admit that I'm completely obsessed with little more than a blurry photo of a neanderthal head, here is my explanation:

The first view of my baby's face...
(I stared at this the entire weekend after we got it)
  
The bird also has good muscle tone
(D's uncle claimed that was a Maillet trait -
we'll arm wrestle the next time he's in town
)

There might be an element of freakishness to the whole thing.
(I'm willing to admit it)

In any case, that's the VIP pass. The general public only sees and hears reports about the inside. I'd like to pretend this is how it looks and feels from the outside...

(p.s. this is from the finished mural and I will post final photos soon)

...but alas it's not all that true. I finally had D take photos last week after I realized I wasn't doing my math right and was almost six months along rather than five. Needless to say, Ginger and I weren't impressed with his photography skills.


So he came up with this tonight (he was inspired by the elk horns in the background).


Speaking of D, he's knee deep in nesting (I'm a slacker anticipating the bug will hit mid-August) - for now, I'll let him finish his house projects before I get that nursery going. A sad moment came a few weeks ago when the ever-promised (threatened) banister finally took it's permanent spot on our cool open stairs. So long old friend - you will be missed. I had planned to lend a cold shoulder to the banister for months but sadly, I think it will come in handy more than I like to admit. For what it is, Tracy did a fine job (as always) making it look as good and stylish as possible.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Gonna Take Some Time To Do The Things We Never Have

- Toto (Africa)

I forgot to mention weeks ago, my sister, TC, left for Africa. Yeah that's right, the original continent people. As has become old hat for Trishy, she decided to do another volunteer trip where she gets to take in some local sights and in turn help others. This time, she met a friend in Tanzania for a week(ish) where they spent some 5-star resort time on white sand beaches and then went to view gorillas in Rwanda. She then joined up with the Roadmonkey crew to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Her goal was to summit the peak (coincidentally on her 40th birthday). The group had two days of RnR (where she e-mailed her successful news) and then they moved on to a local town, Babati, where they will build an environmentally sustainable kitchen and a goat shed. Afterwards, they safari. The more elongated story can be found on her blog.

But Yeah. Holy friggin' cool.

In any case, I had to share a little joy and pride. There were so many thoughts in Trishy's head before she left and though she knew it would be fun - as any good, challenging adventure is concerned - she was also a teeny bit scared. I think that's the part I like best; because she still got on the plane and took her shiny new sleeping bag to camp for a few weeks in Africa. I so admire her ability to find a great way of celebrating herself and fulfill her sense of adventure! I admire the "Yes" instead of the "No"; instead of the "I can't"; instead of the "I'm too old"; instead of the "it's too far, too exoctic, too unfamiliar", etc. After all aren't most unfamiliar places only unfamiliar till you get there? The thing that I LOVE about travel is finding out how the exotic seems so "every day" once you are actually in said environment.

P.S. Now Rwanda is one my list :)

Monday, June 14, 2010

This Too Shall Pass

When I got pregnant I told myself I would not ONLY write about being pregnant. Funny since pregnancy is my main dish these days, I have not written at all (which is really what happened most of May...it wasn't the month, she's a good month). I can't blame it all on the bump either. Ti's true I have a lack of energy and a shift in focus that has taken many of my brain cells, vocabulary, and recall. My desire to ponder, to proliferate, perhaps continue to explore ME is sidetracked by feeling compelled to soak up my time staring obsessively at ultra scan photos or trying to decipher relevant facts about neo-natal care, health, preparation, etc. (as if I am already behind on studying for some big test). But truth be told, this is an amazing experience with something new happening every day and I assume it only gets more interesting once the bird flies the coup.

So when it comes down to the lack of writing, really it's about a deeply ingrained fear I have that what I am living might encompass my every thought to the point that it is all I can talk about, which seems so one dimensional. Since it creates an awkward juxtaposition to happy events, I've learned my attempts to suffocate this fear can be stifling in an entirely different way. I am too old to feel like I will loose myself in this process; too old to not understand this will quite possibly be the hardest thing I have tried to undertake; too old to not understand how lucky I am to have this opportunity; and too young not to embrace it more fully. So in response to the lack of words, I am breaking the silence and stringing together happy thoughts.

I am excited and find myself talking to the little bird more and more (who kicks when it's time to eat and at night). My belly came out last month. It was a definitive shift one Sunday morning when I woke up and, like so many days before when it would disappear back into my body, I thought it would sink back in once I woke up and hydrated. I still sometimes expect it to be gone when I look down. Lately though, the mirror reliably reflects a growing profile displaying a curve where once there was hard-earned flatness. I like to think the curve is hard-earned in a different kind of way but this pregnancy does not feel that intense. It is more soft, like a lesson in kindness and the art of being delicate. It has been a challenge to me to slow down; to move with ease; and to not press when I want to. I have slowly adjusted to feeling like an anomaly - as if this truly is something special so to speak.

Lately I find the saying, “this too shall pass” coming in to my mind. It’s a funny thing because I always used to associate it with the bible however it seems to have been established by a Persian Sufi poet, which makes me like it so much more (the bible has been over-marketed). Funny too that for as long as the saying has been in my realm of understanding I have always thought it was meant for the negative events in life; like a tool to help pull me through the dark waters. As in, "yes this is horrible but I’ll get through it." At times it has become my mantra when dealing with the shit that comes down the pipe.

A few weeks ago it hit me that it also speaks to the good in life. As in, "enjoy it now because it will be gone before you know it." I like thinking of it that way after spending so much time paying homage to the negative side of the coin. Life is WAY too short and maybe that’s what I’ve been feeling lately. This all will swiftly pass before my eyes (having a nine month time clock does that to a girl): the rounding belly, the small movements, the tingling and slow achy stretch in my sides, strangers with sheer joy on their faces, and friends with support and excitement in their voices. Once again it is an argument for being present.

Day to day it doesn't feel like it's that fast of a ride. I hear it only gets faster as tiny feet grow from crawling to walking to riding a bike to driving a car to dancing into adulthood. For now I'll stick with the every day play by play and see if this belly-button of mine decides to pop out for a visit.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

This I Believe

Last week was a good "thank you" week. I got a letterpress treat in the mail from JH on the most ridiculously delicious paper I have seen in a while (it's not like me to say "delicious" but really, it's so friggin' tantalizing to touch). The scan doesn't do it justice (because you have to feel the sheer thickness of the paper and run your finger over the shape of the guitar) but I had to put up a scan anyway. You can come over for a visit and hold it/touch it - it's on display as we speak (no company plug as it's just some card stock she had laying around - JH always has good schtuff).

I too sent my own hot little thank you from egg press along to my bestie who clothed me with maternity gear a few weeks ago. She helped bring my pregnancy game up a few notches so I can look semi-fashionable with the bird in the oven. After mail call, she sent me a follow up thank you to the thank you (which for all it's silly reciprocity, made me smile - there's something about making someone else feel special which is really inspiring). MP also hand transcribed an added message in a effort to ease some bad day blues. It's from a book she shared with her sweet heart at bedtime. Admittedly I cried a bit because sometimes the words can be so simple and the message so basic, and yet still I'm constantly relearning to make this life less complicated. Some of the statements have become old hat and some are hard to swallow. In any case, I wanted to pass it along here. Thanks Meggy.

What I Believe
I believe that when doors shut, windows open.
I believe spring brings out hope in all of us.
I believe your special talents will light up the world.
I believe play is an important part of every day.
I believe dreams help you discover yourself.
I believe fairies dance at sunrise and sunset and in the moonlight.
I believe animals know more than we think they do.
I believe being able to receive from others is just as important as giving.
I believe your guardian angel never leaves your side.
I believe a good friend is a treasure, and you need to take care of your treasure.
I believe if you need a nap, you should take one.
I believe music and dance fill your spirit.
I believe life can give you the best you can imagine.
What I believe in the most is you - who you are, who you will be, and how you will give your special talents to the world.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Mural Update

What's up with the mural you ask? I know you're just itching for an update. Embarrassingly, I haven't been by it in two weeks, which is when these photos are from.

I started riding my bike to work so it's a block out of my way and I can't seem to ride over one street. I am going back to check it out tomorrow. It should be done or close to done at which point I will take final photos.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Not to Worry...

I didn't break up with my blog; but man it feels like we were apart for so long. It is probably just me but I would prefer to blame May. Yes May, in all her spring glory and busy-bodiness. She brings the parties and the weather but she also brings the calendar and a black pen to mark it full of appointments in every nook and cranny. Many things were scheduled before we even got out of the starting gate (it seems like the same is true for most people). As I drifted off to sleep last night with May sailing off into a distant memory, I realized my old friend this is ish has been waiting patiently...poolside...with a daiquiri...until adult swim. I guess I'm old enough now to think that's cool (instead of the 15 minute downer that I used to perceive it as being). So maybe I'm slowing down but I prefer to see it as relaxing and choosing to get inspired in comfy, loose-fitting cotton.

Summer is in full bloom. Pants are overkill - capris are more practical these days. Tank tops are back. White is IN. Flip flops are lounging by the front door like teens in front of a seven eleven. The grass is green. The peach tree is weighed down with new fruit. The heat is on (and so is the AC). Trail mix is waiting for a hike. Camping is calling. Swimming is optional. Sunscreen - a must. Afternoons require ice in a glass surrounded by something citrus in flavor. And ice cream is officially on the daily menu. We have arrived, people. Enjoy the view!


P.S. The dog has signed on for summer by generously agreeing to donate her coat to help clean up the oil spill in the Gulf (though I wish she had a better process for collecting said hair).
P.P.S. You can shed your own coat and send it to Matter of Trust.