Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Born Seeking Joy

There's no controlling it anymore: life that is (not that there ever was but for the most part I had a nice preconceived notion cooking for about 34 years...give or take). When I'm old and sitting in some rocker on a porch with my grand kids, I will tell them how October 2010 changed me; change my life. I will tell them how I lost my dad and birthed my baby girl - both events cracking my heart open wider each time. It's as if my moon landing finally occurred; my innocence was wholly unveiled and there was no turning back.

I don't even know how to begin. The entrance of miss m has left me wordless; I can't even do it justice welcoming her to this silly blog. I like to think she was "born seeking joy" as it says on the onesie her Aunt T gave her. She ties up my time so I can't fumble over a keyboard unraveling my thoughts. She demands my presence in the present and it has left me feeling like a newborn myself. She stole my heart and holds it some place secret. I know this because right as she drifts to bed she gets a pirate's grin across her face. It is unconscious and uncontrolled and it leads me to believe she has character... I like that about the old girl.

We have been through a lot already. I look at her and think to myself, one day I will remind her of it when she thinks she "can't" and I know she "can". We're old hat at the trenches and we found a way to survive, hell thrive. It's really nothing short of spectacular and it's really nothing special either. I'm reminded that this is life: it comes and goes in ways you never expected. It brings joy and sorrow and writes a new story every day (at this point sometimes every hour). It sends a curve ball when you anticipated a fast pitch - all you are left to do is take a swing.

Miss m is the force demanding I swing; the closing of my eyes with a wish; the crack of the bat; the cool sailing curve of an arch through the sky; the promise of a home run; and the elation of the moment. She has lit up the stadium (why I am using to a baseball metaphor, I have no idea). In any case, she's pretty fantastic and I look forward to holding her hand through this life for as long as I can.

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