Friday, August 3, 2012

A Good Blubber

M fell asleep in her car seat. I stopped the conversation to try and wake her but she was already out. Truth be told, I wasn't so bothered (this meant I would miss afternoon nap time) because I wanted a few minutes alone with Amy. As I pulled in to the parking space next to her car, I knew I was going to cry; these were tears of joy and tears of sorrow.

We have gotten used to a good blubber in recent years. Amy nourished me in those early months of motherhood when things felt so raw. I like to think I helped her through some hard stuff too. We found ourselves apologizing for our vulnerabilities only to realize it was silly since we were in the presence of an old, caring friend. I hold it as a treasure that I was able to cry around her; perhaps letting go some of my lion's pride and ego. I have always felt so unencumbered around her. Can you imagine when we first met in high school she said to me one day, "don't you ever stay silent for a few minutes?" Me?! 

It felt nice to have her physically close again. She introduced me to cross country skiing and some beautiful trails outside Boulder. We got visit her at Frog Belly Farm and learn some pieces of what she was learning. She gave me an acupuncture treatment and essences and always her sage advice. We could discuss topics I rarely talk about with other people and watching her with miss M and Ginger was always so beautiful. It makes me so happy to see people I love enjoy each other's company as much as me. As a family, we all felt good when Amy came around.

The whole time she was here, I knew she would leave again. I tried to connect with her as much as I could; which at this point in life is one day a month if I'm lucky. It meant sitting in a hot tub at the rec center for an hour while M was in child care or coming over to the house while she napped. I treasured any time with her. In this way, I'm glad I wasn't working too much because it provided more opportunity for us to get together.

There are so many amazing things Amy participates in. She always reminds me to return to me. She settles me and leaves me feeling lighter. She brings a sense of magic and connectivity to it all.

I have seen her come and go many times: to Vermont, to Japan, to Alaska, to Portland, to Boulder, to Nepal, and now, to return to her Homer. Truly a journey she has been on for 7 years. Inspiring because she left that beautiful town to become a licensed acupuncturist so she could return to that community and contribute with her healing heart. When I was up there five years ago, I knew I had to come back one day when she lived there again. The stars aligned these past few weeks and now she is headed north.

Though I know there are so many great ways to keep in touch with people these days, it also is the end of a chapter. I'm just better with proximity. At this point in my life, I've said enough goodbyes to know how distance affects friendship. Truly there is no sweeter nectar than a friend sitting next to you. That is the beauty of living in the present.

I cried all the way home. M woke up when I tried to transfer her and cried out for Amy in confusion. And then she understood, "Amy buh bye?" Yes but we will visit her soon and she will always be in our heart.

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