Friday, January 20, 2017

The Original

I saw Saturn this past year through a telescope. It was one of the highlights of my year. It's funny to say since it looked like little more than a low res version of a photo of the planet that I might find on the web. But it was cool because for a brief moment, lenses and mirrors were reaching across our universe to project one beautiful planet into my world.

I took miss M to see it. I had promised her we would star gaze one night at Observatory Park. We skipped the talk and went straight to the telescope. I forgot what a beautifully 'ancient' tool it is in an old building. As I watched them adjust the wooden ladder so she could climb it, I thought about my Dad watching me do the same. Though I wasn't as young when I visited this place with him, I'm sure he navigated me through moments of apprehension knowing the payoff would be awesome.

We stopped at the Biosphere 2 during my college visit to check out the University of Arizona. During the tour he kept reminding me that the earth was the original biosphere. Typing this, I wish remembered more about the visit and about the things he tried to teach me that he knew and found interesting.

Still, looking at this photo, I see one of the most important things: one of my original friends in this biosphere and love... so much love.

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.” - Carl Sagan

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Lovely Day

Alt-J covering Bill Withers

Maybe after 41 years it's normal for the the sheen of every day life to wear off. Daily interactions and friendships loose their luster. I almost feel like I know the truth behind the curtain and can't play the part anymore. Those magic things that happen during the day get glossed over too. Even if I do catch them, the conversation gets steamrolled by something and I rarely get to share them with loved ones. The upside is I've started to say "fuck it" a lot more and move on when things don't work the way I want them to, rather than taking them personally.

Someone recently reminded me of an energy I used to have that I lost. It fell to the wayside in the mix of having babies and becoming soft-urban. I realized that the energy I bring in to a situation really affects how life plays out. It started one early morning in December when I could have chosen to go down a road of dark imaginings but instead I chose to think, "I believe in you". It all went up from there. 

That one pebble of a thought has created ripples in me ever since. Yoga also came flooding back into my world. It's been a revolution of sorts. It's an enthusiasm for life and a sense of hopefulness about each day. I am feeling my old energy more and more, but with a tempered lens. 

Sure it's just a number but I've earned these 41 years. They deliver a wisdom the youth can never possess. I used to be to cool (and I've still got some shine  left in me) but that's not what I'm about anymore.  

I now understand the feeling of gracefully surrendering the things of youth. I'm the invisible 40-something in a field of millennials. I'm also the accessible soul in a coffee shop making friendly conversation with an even older, understanding soul. 

I can now look back on the slow subtle shift of everyday living and see some true transformation. These days I find my smile in the mirror and a grip of wrinkles surrounding it. I'm the old friend looking back to keep me company. I walk softer and welcome any semblance of grace I can muster.

"Our silent desires can fuel the most powerful experiences we live. It's about how our presence is what really brings people joy." 

I know now that although I might not like the song that is playing, I can find a new spin on it that makes me feel alive. It's my choice to make it a lovely day.